From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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