i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
3pm strippers are depressing
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
