I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Please, let me fuck your mom
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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