i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
