I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
