at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
