Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
