There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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