don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
