i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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