YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
