Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
