ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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