I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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