She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
