this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
