I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just pee around me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
