Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
