You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
