Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize