Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
