if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
