mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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