shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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