this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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