mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
