i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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