Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
