Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
