Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
wow bdsm is so cute
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
