You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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