her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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