I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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