I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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