My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
