the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
