God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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