even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
