If i could tip my vagina, i would.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
