Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
