true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
