sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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