Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
