They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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