Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
