Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
