White coat. Heels.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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