So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All the doctor said was why
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
