I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
