I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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