Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The police scanner is talking about you again....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize