just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I would fuck him just for his dog
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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