I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
