True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
