she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
