I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
