that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
