Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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