walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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