i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
