i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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