Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
