the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
