Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
