tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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