it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I deserve this hangover.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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