it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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