I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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